Sick Days

My blueberry is sick.
Runny nose.
Cough.
A fever here and there.
An overall fussy ill little guy.

My family has had to come to the rescue to care for E after my surgery. And now they are pulling double duty as  grandparent babysitters and nursing aids.

Pap Pap came for the day, put on his headband, and dove in to the serious work of caring for my ailing baby boy. The headband usually comes out for yard work, painting projects, or moving households from one home to the next. Today it came out for feedings, diaper changes, baths, and lots of play time (when E felt up to it).

The grandparents (and an auntie) stay with us until E goes down for the night. Long days for everybody. And then E has to make it through the night---because I cannot comfort him through the night due to my lifting restrictions. He has to be a tough guy.

I admit....I have shed a few tears myself these past few days...because my heart wants me to be the one to primarily care for my boy.  His little snot fountain of a nose peeks up over the pillow I keep on stomach...his tired eyes confused as to why mama can't pull him onto her lap.  Poor baby dude has taken to leaning against my legs with his blanket as an attempts to cuddle with his mama.

As I began to write this in the wee hours of morning I heard his cough and moans from his crib. I waited at his door and searched the night air to hear his labored breathing under the sound of the vaporizer. When I heard his precious breath I had to fight the urge to enter his room. It will be hours until the next grandparent shift starts...this mama needs to get some sleep...but listening for my little one is way more important to my heart.

Mama Down

I am recovering from a recent surgery.

I asked the anaesthesiologist how long the surgery was going to be.
She answered between ten minutes to an hour.
Mine was way  over the hour mark.

I tend to be a stubborn person.  Try to do it all on my own.
But with a blueberry a year old and getting his land legs....I have needed a lot of help.

My main restriction is lifting.  My little man has to be passed to me while I am seated. We need assistance with meals, baths, and most importantly--- play time.

I am thankful for every minute of each helping hand---but I have to admit it is very difficult to fight the urge to pick up your own lovely wee lad when he reaches for you.

I know if I put my stubbornness on the back burner and listen to the advice of doctors and love ones I will recover sooner than later.

I hope so.

Because as soon as I get the green recover light I will  sweep that sweet boy up into my arms and deliver a thousand mama kisses that will make both of us giggle and wiggle with glee.

Blueberry Birthday

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been the fastest year of my life.
(the longest was the year of the pregnancy....of course).

He's one year old today.

My precious, beautiful boy.


Only my lovely blueberry would eat his first piece of cake with a spoon before he joyfully dove in  head first...purple icing clogging his little nose.

Motherhood

When I became pregnant last year I was initiated into a new club.  The club of motherhood. 

I had a very difficult time as a pregnant working woman.  My life was changing on all fronts.  High Blood pressure, water retentionion, heart burn, carpal tunnel, and a pesky hernia challanged my stamina daily. If it was in my handy dandy guide to maternity---I had it. Plus I still had to put in long hours during the holidays.

At work I was very private about my pregnancy and its challanages.
But somewhere near the end, when it was obvious I was struggling daily with my preganancy I was initated to the club.

Of course all the nice things---like baby gifts and the ohs and ahs of a bun in the oven was to be expected.  What I had not expected was the stories that women were willing to share with me...from women I only knew at work...women that I managed at my store for years.

The stories went beyond long labors and special cravings in the night. I was  pulled to the side at work to hear their own personal short stories about miscarried babies, still born babies, babies wanted, babies longed for,  and babies lost. Each woman opening just briefly to let me into their heart, to share their sorrow, to share their joy. As if to let me know that I am not alone in this journey...even if the road takes an unexpected turn...we are not alone. We are mothers.

Even after my Blueberry arrived in the world---my membership has continued.
The most recent story has lingered in my heart these past few days.
A relative of a woman at work lost her two month old daughter to SIDS this past week.  The baby girl had her bottle and went down for a nap and never woke.

Absolute heartbreak.

It is hard for me to breathe when I think of this story, when I think of the look in the woman's eyes as she told me this story.  Told me because she had to let it out....it was weighing heavy on her mind while she worked away her day.

That night I rocked my E to sleep.  Before he closed his eyes for the night we said a prayer together...for the baby girl and her mother.

The next morning I cracked the door to his room to listen for his breathing as he slumbered. Upon hearing his little sigh I thought about what a thing it is to be a daughter of Eve.

How joyous.
How sorrowful.
How amazing.
How strong.
How fragile.

My heart beats for the love of my son.
For the love of being a mother.