Look at mE

Eighty pounds.  That was my pregnancy weight gain. During the last few weeks of  being an incubator I  looked like Jabba the Hut from the Star Wars movies. Yes, indeed.   Multiple chins, my body spread wide with swelling.  My glasses barely fit on my face. The only thing missing was a slug like tale.

Within one a week of my blueberry making his way into the world forty lbs of water weight drained from my body.

And since then, every extra prego pound has stayed put.  Made a home.

Last night after our bath time my little wonder was still ready to play play play. Even though he was yawning and rubbing his eyes, his mama was home and he so desperately wanted her full playtime attention.

I was drained.  Another long day. Another long work week
I am always tired.
I never eat a regular meal.  At work and at home I graze.
I never exercise.  After a week at work it takes all my energy to try to help with the house work and play with E.
And the most depressing----my pre-pregnancy clothes still do not fit. All my pretty blouse, the favorite jeans, the cozy sweaters.
I am in a constant state of feeling frumpy dumpy.

I have never been a thin woman.  That is not the goal. It is more simple and more complicated at the same time. I want to feel good, look good, and play well for my son...for my little family.

So last night, after that sweet boy shined his tired eyes at me I decided enough was enough. Even if I just took baby steps something had to give. I made a pact with my blueberry.  After the grazing supplies of quick eats was gone from our kitchen,  mama would only bring home water and things for easy-baby-on-your-hip real meals. I still have to eat the grazing food---in moderation--cause the wallet is to slim to waste any food that enters the kitchen. But the goal is to slowly replace it with the right things.

I worry about the diet of my blueberry.  Three meals a day.  Fruits. Vegetables. Healthy babe appropriate snacks.  The good doctor has stressed to me how important it is for a baby's growth, metabolism, and digestive tract development to carefully monitor their diet.  He said that we have a whole lifetime to experiment with food and taste, but that as  babies it is more about health and wellness first.

And our E's weight and growth is perfect and on track. I need to model my son's example.

This morning when I woke to his morning "come get me lets go mama" calls, I was energized to start planning my new venture back to wellness.

And
then....

There they were. Chocolate covered mini-donuts on the kitchen counter. A fresh gallon of milk in the fridge. Morning gifts from my dear D.

Darn it. It is that time of the month when the site and smell of anything chocolate or salty triggers my cravings.

E had banana oatmeal and apples for breakfast.
Mama had a donut, toast, tea, and a pear.

I did say baby steps, right?

(Please note: the wonderful new floor in the background that Daddy installed all by himself last weekend.  I was around for moral support.  I love it.)